


The Four-Nostriled Creature

by Four_Nostril



Series: The Ape-creatures Series [1]
Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: The Original Series
Genre: Alien Character(s), Art, Cover Art, Dubiously Consensual Blow Jobs, F/M, Humor, Interspecies Sex, Masturbation, Sexual Humor, apewoman
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-15
Updated: 2014-10-15
Packaged: 2018-02-21 06:46:41
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 6,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2458712
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Four_Nostril/pseuds/Four_Nostril
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The Enterprise has picked up a primitive ape, in Spock's opinion. Gathered a valuable crewmember, in Kirk's opinion. Future chemical analyst or animalistic distraction? McCoy gets explicit (he uses the words "bulbourethral glands" in bed) so be warned. Slow moving K/S and interspecies het. Silly puns.<br/>Lovely illustrations by the artist Karl Johnsson.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Hairy Little Creature

–***–

The hairy little creature had snuck up behind Spocks chair. Now she was pausing, trying to see if he had noticed. When she saw no reaction, she quietly climbed the shelf behind him and leaned forward over his bent neck. He was sitting perfectly still, looking at the console. She leaned more forward, pulling in air with all four nostrils and sticking out a papillose pink tongue as far as she could reach.

Spock was of course aware of the situation. It was really becoming irritating, and required a mental effort to remain motionless. Fourth attempt today, and it was only alpha shift.

What had started out as a simple visit to a newly discovered planet had resulted in this new diplomatic emissary/crew member. Short and angular with long arms and short legs. Small cranium, sharp teeth, long toes. And she was very, very hairy. Short, stiff, tapered hairs like eyebrows all over the body, even in the face. At first glance the crew from Enterprise had assumed that it was a primitive race, of Homo erectus-type or even [older](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Australopithecus). Australopitecus.

Spock was wishing that they had indeed been only that. He could hear her breath just above his neck and moved sideways – as he had planned to do from the moment she came in – so that she fell face first over the console.

"Awww come on! Don't do that! How did you know I was there?"

"I heard you. Even though you move with more stealth for each attempt, I am able to hear you clearly from the start."

"Good ears you have there. But why can't you let me sample just a bit? It would get me off your back, really it would."

"You need to consider the customs of other races if you are going to be on a space ship, and vulcans do not like to be touched." Or licked, but he didn't even like to mention that. Spock turned away and left the room, leaving the creature sitting sulking on the floor when McCoy came in.

–***–

McCoy had been the one to give the hairy woman her present name. After she had come aboard, the captain had asked how he should address her.

"I use the letter L, repeated. You may add any vowels that you like. We all have different names in different territories, and often change for new ones. I have been called La-le-la and Lo-lo-lo, for example."

"So, I could call you Lily-Lee? I'd like that, sounds like a friend of my mothers."

"Yes, please do that! That would be a new!" And so the name had stuck.

–***–

"Lily-Lee, would you come to sickbay with me? Some of the photos didn't come out right and I need to get your species description as correct as possible before you are presented back home."

"Of course. This pursuit is not getting me anywhere." She got up and walked with McCoy to the turbolift.

"Well, forget about Spock and make yourself useful. When we have the pictures you could help me analyse one of the men working on the air ducts. He got a bad skin rash from something and I can't see from what."

"The one with black hair and a bald spot? I was walking past him today and he smelled of lots of things that are normally not found in the corridors. Mercaptoethanol, for example. I didn't focus on him though, so I can't say yet."

"You'll get a better sniff at him later. Here we are."

"Does this mean I can take the dress off now? I'm still not used to it. Besides, if you are going to take pictures . . ."

"Oh, well, yes, sure. Go into that room, I'll close the door."

Lily-Lee was sitting on the stretcher while McCoy pulled up pictures on a screen. She folded the dress neatly and scratched her elbows. McCoy was putting his finger on one picture after another, stopping on the last one.

"Feet, x-ray of feet, recorded running pattern is fine. Bone structure and composition is no problem. Muscles, nerves, veins. Head from all angles. The only problem is the surface texture. I have noticed that you have a pigment patterns under the hairs."

"Yes, isn't it beautiful? I am very proud of my naturally thin swirls. When I was young the thick straight lines were much more fashionable so I was miserable then, but hey, which youth isn't? Now they are popular and I am flock leader, that's the way it goes. Always great to have something new."

"I thought you were young now? I have written here that you are twenty-one years old and that is roughly the same in earth years."

"Yes, and we live to be about forty, so I am middle-aged. I have two grown kids, you know."

"Huh. Anyway, the photos from last time show the hairs, but not the pigmentation. What can we do about that? Slant the picture?"

"We could make the hairs stand on end, that would get them out of the way."

"Can you do that?"

"Piloerection is not controlled by the will, but by the sympathetic nervous system. But we could make it happen anyway. Here, help me get goose bumps." She got up on all fours on the stretcher.

"Put your fingers on my neck and track them down each side of the spine. Yes, exactly like that. Do it again but slower. Good, you're great at this. You can follow the patters of the hairs, circle the shoulder blades and down the sides. Keep doing that." She shivered a bit.

"Are you cold? I'll turn up the heat for you."

"No, that just means it working. Can you go down the arms and legs? Especially the thighs need to get traced." Dr McCoy stroked his surgeon's fingers down the thighs to the knees resting on the table. She shivered again and he noticed that the skin was starting to contract around every follicle.

"And grab my butt!"

There are universal laws, like the law of entropy, but not one as reliable as Murphy's Law. This was the moment when Spock walked in. McCoy stood frozen to the spot with both hands firmly grabbing the butt of a small woman who was moaning and shivering. And the camera clicked.

–***–


	2. Discussing the Merits

–***–

Spock was standing with his hands behind his back beside the captain's chair. All was peaceful on the bridge, an ensign came up to Kirk with a routine order on a padd. Kirk signed it with a flourish, and when Spock suddenly spoke he looked up at him.

"Captain, I believe there is still time for you to reconsider your decision to bring the creature to Starfleet base."

"A bit late for that, don't you think? Why are you so insistent that we get rid of her?"

"Our mission is to seek out new civilisations. This planet did not have a civilisation in any sense of the word. No buildings, no writing, no vehicles, no science community or organised religion."

"All true. But intelligent beings all the same. They learned to speak our language in only three days, all of the flock. They investigated us as much as we investigated them."

"I can not question that their language ability is beyond what we have encountered before. But as they themselves told us, this is because they are so enthusiastic about new things that it gives great status to come up with a new language. The whole species seemed to me to be fatally neofiliac."

"Yes, they loved anything that was new, I agree. They even admitted themselves that this was probably why they had, as you said, no civilisation. Any large project only goes out of style before it's finished."

"And this would be the reason why they don't weave textiles, have buildings or write anything down. We did see them make crude tools and sometimes gather isolating materials to sleep on. They would rate no more than AA on the Richter scale of culture. Their way of life is very primitive, and I believe the species is not at all ready to be introduced to the Federation. We are violating the prime directive."

To give emphasis to his statement, Spock made a small screen display a selection of images taken on the planet. Kirk smiled at him.

"Don't call her primitive so she can hear it, she would get mad at you. They don't consider themselves primitive but very advanced humans, although they have advanced in another direction. You have to admit that their intelligence is intact and did not shrink when their skulls shrank."

"Yes, captain, I admit their analytical skills are admirable and indeed of better quality than in many earth humans, but they do not put them to good use. They use their minds for flock intrigues, coming up with new fads to follow and to tell which food is good to eat."

"Aha! Now we come to the root of the problem, don't we? Tell me, Spock, honestly, do you not think Starfleet could benefit from having a troop of chemical analysists working on the ships? Detecting everything with their four nostrils? These creatures have already save the lives of three men. The first from eating a fruit that would have been poisonous to him, the second after walking through a shrubbery contaminated with parasitic bot larvae, and the third from getting insulin shock. A very useful trait, I think."

"I think it is an invasion of privacy to have a creature monitoring the chemical composition of every crew member."

"Is that why you won't let her lick you? She has had a taste of everyone else already, you know. As she said herself, many substances are not airborne and cannot be smelled. Of course she will keep following you about because your chemical set-up is different from the rest of the crews. Believe me, Spock, she won't rest until she's had a taste."

"In that case, I will have to trust that her neofilia makes her give up the pursuit. It's getting old."

–***–


	3. ART by Karl Johnsson, Kirk getting nit-picked

[ ](http://s36.photobucket.com/user/Four-Nostril/media/fournostril_zpsf8c50d45.jpg.html)


	4. A Purple Cabbage

–***–

"Have you seen Lily-Lee?"

"I think she's in the botany department."

The captain found the hairy little creature sitting under a potted tree with a head of purple cabbage in her lap. She was tearing off pieces of the thick leaves with a ripping, crunching sound. Her fingertips were stained with purple and she was stuffing bits into her mouth.

"Where did you get that?"

"Chekov showed me how to use the food synthesizer. I missed eating whole plants and this was a new for me. These strong aromatic oils taste similar to those in the mustard they have in the cafeteria. Are the species related?"

"I guess they are. Plant systematics is not my field really, you'd better ask Sulu." She kept chewing leaf after leaf. Kirk sat down on the floor next to the large pot. Her small size allowed her to sit on the mossy dirt in the flowerpot and lean her back against the diminutive tree.

"If you keep eating that, you'll be peeing purple tomorrow. Just so you know."

Lily-Lee stopped chewing in mid-bite and looked lost in thought. She took in some whiffs of air and started chewing again. "Nooo, I don't think so. The colour compounds in the epidermis of these leaves are three-carbon-ring anthocyanidins with a sugar attachment. They seem very sensitive to a change in pH. I cannot see how they could pass intact through my digestive system, the middle carbon ring would break open. Maybe you are thinking about beets?"

Kirk laughed. "I guess I am. Do you know you sound just like Spock sometimes?"

"Really? Don't tell him that, I've got the feeling he wouldn't like it. Am I right to think that he isn't part of the human flock here? Here, do you want a leaf?" She tore some off and held it out to Kirk, and he took it.

"Well, thank you. More or less right. He is only half human, and he favours his vulcan half."

"Sounds uncomfortable to pick sides in an internal conflict."

"Well, he's not one for comfort anyway. Most vulcans aren't, they value logic."

"Logic got nothing on comfort in my opinion. Hey, speaking of comfort, mind if I nit-pick you? Nothing goes with shared food and conversation like a good lousing." She put the now smaller cabbage head down on the floor and brushed off her hands.

"Can't help you there. I don't have any lice."

"Let me do it anyway. It's relaxing for me and I miss it very much." She put Kirk's head in her lap with one bony knee at each ear and started going through his hair with her fingers, and he complied. He still nibbled at the purple and white leaf. It WAS relaxing, like a scalp massage or going to the hairdresser. There was nothing to clean from his hair, but she was pinching every strand from the follicle and up between her nails. Kirk had finished the cabbage and closed his eyes. _"Deep down, we are all apes,"_ he thought. " _I wonder what face Spock would make if I told him she gives lousy head?"_

_–***–_


	5. Lily-White Skin

–***–

Meanwhile, McCoy had finished his shift and returned to his quarters. He felt on edge and had been oddly ashamed ever since that reproachful look from Spock. _Damn it, he had done nothing improper!_ Her moaning had been unexpected. It was a long time since he had made anyone moan like that. If she hadn't been so ugly it would have been pretty exciting. But that bony, hairy backside was so off-putting. It wasn't even pleasantly furry, it was bristly. The nostrils were even worse, and her animal-like reactions were disgusting. His analytical mind went over each disagreeable detail, while his subconsious showed that it was "a mind of its own".

Despite his disgust, he was getting hard. Was he really going to jerk off to THAT mental image? He put his hands on his crotch and felt himself through the trousers. Might as well, this erection was getting persistent and was not going down on its own. He undressed and got into bed on top of the blanket. Cupped his balls and lifted them a bit, bent his knees to give them more room. He would need to alter the memory a bit if this was going to work. Instead of Lily-Lee, he imagined a Lilly from his youth that had been pale-skinned, plump and giggly. Oh yes, to have her on that examination bed, ass in the air. _"Come on, help me get goose bumps."_ He grabbed his shaft and made slow, long motions. Up and down. _"Do it again but slower. Help me get goose bumps. Good, you're great at this. Keep doing that. Do it again, again, again. Help me get goose bumps."_ It was Lily-Lee's voice but in his mind his fingers were touching silky smooth white thighs. _"Keep doing that. And grab my butt!"_ God, that was good, he was getting close already.

What else could he make her say? Lilly from back home would probably not have said any of those things. It was so long ago, what had her voice been like? Never mind that now, he would lose the pace. What else could Lily-Lee have said? _"Put your fingers on my neck and track them down each side of the spine, and grab my butt! Yes, but with both hands! Harder! Put your fingers up my butt!_ It was only Lily-Lee in his mind now with no smooth skin anywhere. Never mind, he was getting off anyway. _"You're great at this. Now fuck me hard. Keep doing that."_ He imagined her moaning as he pushed his way inside her, so deep that his pubes got wet from her juices. God yes, he was coming in a few seconds and there was no stopping it.

Hang on, could she manage to have sexual intercourse with a human male? She was so tiny, her pelvis was much smaller than that of a human woman. Was he hurting her, maybe even injuring her? Pangs of guilt shot though McCoy's mind but it was too late, he was already coming over his own hands and stomach. Damn. _My conscience won't even let me hurt someone in a fantasy. Must be the Hippocratic oath._ He added a few oaths of his own invention for good measure.

–***–


	6. Wetting the Floor

–***–

Kirk was waiting in the transporter room in his best uniform, trying to look welcoming, confident and assuring. He could have used some reassuring himself. Spock had been criticising him for his decision to let Lily-Lee be present when the Klingon emissary arrived. Not openly criticising, but with a very notable silence when Kirk had told her to put on something nice and stand there and look as official as possible. But Kirk had a reason. They had not been expecting the Klingons to approach them in this zone, and not in this manner. They claimed they wanted to send an emissary along with the starship Enterprise as she returned to base, to take part in peace negotiations. They were willing to send one single unarmed officer aboard. If this was a sincere peace proposal, Kirk wanted to make this vulnerable emissary feel more comfortable, and he thought it could help to show that not everyone on board was human, or even a member of Starfleet. Lily-Lee would be introduced as the emissary from Vovaror Paplolanone . . . Poplolanon . . . he would have to check that before things started.

"Lily-Lee, what was the name of your home planet again?"

"What, this month? I don't know, does it matter? Just make something up, that's what I do." She dismissed the question with a shrug. Kirk could feel Spock's silence increase, but it was hard to tell how that was possible.

A small Klingon ship was approaching, at slow speed and with shields down. It looked harmless like a chick, a baby bird of prey. One Klingon was beamed aboard, and turned out to be an old and grey one-legged former general. He was scanned for weapons and found clean, and he stepped down from the transporter platform with a feeble gait. Kirk approached him with his hand outstretched.

"Welcome to the starship Enterprise, I am captain James T. Kirk. Allow me to introduce Mr Spock, my science officer, Dr McCoy from . . ." The Klingon interrupted him in mid-sentence.

"Your pet is not house-broken." Pet? Kirk was startled. If the Klingon began his visit with insulting people, they were off to a bad start. He had to save the situation without hurting anyone's feelings, so he turned towards Lily-Lee with the intention of introducing her. He became speechless. Lily-Lee looked like she had seen death. She was pale, shaking and staring, and she was wetting herself. There was a puddle on the floor around her bare feet. This was a diplomatic crisis if Kirk had even seen one. Spock had been right; she was not ready to be introduced to other alien races. Maybe Klingons smelled really hostile or something? Kirk wondered if he should comply with the Klingon and say that she was a pet, and send her to her quarters.

"HE IS ATTACKING!" Lily-Lee's voice was shrill and loud. "HE IS ATTACKING, DO SOMETHING!"

"Now don't worry and calm down, okay? This is the Klingon emissary and perhaps I'll introduce you later, that's probably best. General, I hope you don't think that . . ."

"HE'S GOING TO ATTACK! DON'T JUST STAND THERE!" she started to run but the door was closed and in her panic, she ran two times around the room before diving under a desk, leaving wet footprints all the way. Everyone else in the room was standing still and looking embarrassed. Kirk turned back to the Klingon again and was going to offer his most eloquent apologies, but then he saw the Klingons face. That was not the face of an insulted man, or an embarrassed man. That was a face that could only have been captioned with the words "Curses! Foiled again!"

Suddenly everyone moved at once. The Klingon was trying to take off his belt and release some sharp object on the inside. Kirk pushed the old general towards the transporter platform and yelled at Scotty to activate. Spock ran up to the wall and told the personnel at the bridge to go to red alert. Four Klingon ships were spotted approaching the Enterprise. The old general was randomly transported out into space where he resulted in a colourful and meaty explosion. Lily-Lee got the door opened and ran away.

–***–

After the dust had settled and the Enterprise was safe, Kirk called yeoman Rand.

"Janice, will you find Lily-Lee and help her get cleaned up? Find her some new clothes." As an afterthought, he added "Get her a uniform. She has earned it."

"With a medical department badge!" added McCoy.

"If this creature is going to be a member of the crew and perform chemical analysis, it would be logical that she belonged to the science department."

"Oh, now she's good enough for you, eh? After she's turned out to be something you can use? You cold-blooded . . . you have had nothing but bad things to say about her from the beginning!"

"I was merely pointing out that chemical analysis is part of the screening and scanning."

"Bones, Spock, stop your . . . bickering! Have you even noticed that she is nowhere to be found?" Janice had called Kirk to say that she was unable to find her. A scan of the ship soon located Lily-Lee. She had pried open a wall section under a console and crawled in. Furthermore, she refused to come out, pushing further in among the wires when anyone approached. It took half an hour for Kirk to coax her out. She was still panicked and pale.

"How many were eaten?" were her first words.

"None! No one was eaten, come out now."

"How many of the children?"

"We don't have any children here, now come."

"Are there any pieces left to bury?"

"There are no dead." Was this what it was like to be a prey species? Kirk had thought she was frivolous. It was hard to imagine a life where the flock was attacked by predators as a part of life. She was coming out of her hole now, dusty and wet.

"How many were eaten?"

"Not a single one. You saved them." Kirk took her hand.

"I did? No, I ran away. He was loaded with something in his guts. It was sealed in, but the bulk had an effect on him. He was attacking, I could smell it."

"Yes, you could. Now come out and let Janice take care of you."

–***–


	7. Bed Head (Short Chapter)

–***–

"Janice, are you still there? When you are finished, please report to me on the bridge." Captain Kirk called his yeoman in Lily-Lee's quarters.

"Does it have to be at once? If it's possible I would prefer to retire until the next shift."

"I just want a briefing. It'll be quick. Kirk out."

When Janice Rand came up on the bridge her hair looked like a haystack. Nothing remained of her neat weaved coiffure, and very little of her dignity. "Janice, what . . .?"

"My apologies, captain. It was difficult to calm Lily-Lee. I tried a bath, a sonic clean, and a massage but she was still very nervous, so . . ."

"So you got nit-picked. No apologies needed, yeoman. I'm glad you managed to be there for her when she was distressed. Did she eat anything?"

"Raw Brussels sprouts and quail eggs. She's sleeping now. I got her a uniform dress, and the boots too. She can't walk in them but she was happy to have them. Have you decided on a badge?"

"Yes, but no Solomonic wisdom was needed. When we looked at the protocol it stated clearly that we couldn't assign ranks to crewmembers that have never graduated from starfleet academy. "

"I also helped her adjust the humidity in her room. It's almost as hot as in Spock's, but not nearly as dry."

"Excellent, yeoman. That will be all."

"Thank you, captain." Janice Rand walked to the elevator, her rumpled hair bobbing along. Captain Kirk was watching her with an amused smile on his face. _This must be what she looks like with bed head."_

_–***–_

McCoy was walking in the corridor when he heard sounds coming from one of the cabins. Bumping sounds. And a male voice he recognised but couldn't place right now.

"So do you think you're ready for this big one? Well, you little slut, are you? Alright, here goes. I'm gonna fuck you until you split in halves!" After that, a muffled cry.

McCoy overrode the lock and barged into the room. "Stop that, you maniac! You'll injure her, you'll damage something, you'll . . . oh. Sorry Uhura, I didn't mean to . . . I thought it was . . . well, carry on, I mean . . ." McCoy walked out again and closed the door. A thrown shoe hit the inside. McCoy leaned against the wall and stared up at the ceiling. _Stupid brain! Suddenly you don't know which cabin is which, huh? What's the matter with you?_

–***– _  
_


	8. ART by Karl Johnsson, Lily-Lee

[ ](http://s36.photobucket.com/user/Four-Nostril/media/LilyleeRGB_zps7df21fe5.jpg.html)


	9. Bedside Manners

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I don't know how it happened, because I had planned on Kirk to leap into his best alien-loving action here, but these two chapters with McCoy insisted on getting written. He's using the words "bulbourethral glands" in bed, just to give you a warning.

–***–

Lily-Lee had been napping about an hour and was sitting in the bed, smelling the leather in her new boots, when she heard a knock on the door.

"Hello, uh, mind if I come in?" McCoy had been standing outside the door for some time, trying to make up his mind. He almost scrapped the whole idea. Was he doing this out of concern for her or for his own sake? But he knocked. He wouldn't be able to sleep until he found out.

"Sure, doc. Welcome in if you can stand the humidity. Have a seat and take off the outer shirt before it gets soaked. Why the visit?"

"Well, I thought I should check on you to see that you were alright, after that incident."

"Not my finest hour." Lily-Lee pouted, put her chin on her knees and intertwined her fingers with her long toes. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"No, no, I understand . . . my idea was to come here and talk about something completely different, just to get you in a better mood. Let's talk about your home planet a while. There are still many things we'd like to know. When we visited, we found your flock. How would you describe it?"

"Okay, we're an average sized flock of forty-eight. Twenty-four children and twenty-four women. We are all sisters, cousins, mothers and grandmothers. Plenty of babies and toddlers at the moment, a few older children. Two boys just grew up and left us a few days before you showed up. They were going off to establish a territory somewhere. I hope they'll do well. Knowing them as well I as do, they'll probably team up in the beginning because they do everything together."

"And later on?" McCoy sat himself down in the chair and hung his blue shirt over the armrest.

"They'll start competing and get a territory each. Then it's time to start making up new, plenty of new. Find new things to eat, new songs to sing, new words. And try to lure a flock of women away from a neighbour. Once we get bored, we start wandering about."

"So the males are stationary, and the females migrate in groups? How long do you stay in a territory?"

"A season or a whole year, as long as the food lasts. By then, the male is usually pretty worn out and happy to see us go. I've seen them lose half their body weight during our stay."

 _Yes! An opening!_ McCoy had patiently been listening to a lot of drabble about children and population dynamics, but here was a chance to get to what he wanted to know.

"So the males are . . . larger?"

"Larger than females? Yes. There is a distinct sexual [dimorphism](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sexual_dimorphism_in_non-human_primates), just as in earth primates. The more polygamous the species is, the larger the dimorphism. In tooth size, but also in overall size. I'd say that our males on average weighs three times as much as females, when fit and rested."

"I see." _That would make him the same size as a human. But humans are pretty . . . big . . . for a primate. Gorillas, for example, have a much smaller organ. But how am I going to work this into a natural part of the conversation?_

"So, hrm, what are the mating rituals like?

"Oh, ha ha! The first round is really quick. The male doesn't want to lose a minute and usually does all the females in the first day. Later it gets more peaceful and a lot better."

"And what makes a good lover?"

"Good territory and plenty of new. Large testicles."

"Testicles, huh. And what about the rest?" _Not perfectly natural, but it will do. I really need to know._

"Like a little teapot."

"I beg your pardon?"

"Oh, you know the song, I read it in the ships records. *[I'm a little teapot short and stout](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/I%27m_a_Little_Teapot).*" Lily-Lee sang and laughed. McCoy blushed. _Well, at least her mood is better._

_–***–_


	10. Bed Head (A Dirtier Way)

–***–

McCoy was giving a private lecture on the principles of human sexuality. Lily-Lee was listening with interest, only interrupting with some "Really" and "Well, obviously" depending if it was different or similar from what she was used to. This was not embarrassing for McCoy at all. He was a doctor, after all, and this was not the first time he had to explain the dos and don'ts of the human penis to some alien female. That had happened a few times before. Well, several times really. Actually he had lost count. He was used to every kind of reaction; shock, disgust, fascination, disbelief or even indifference. Lily-Lee seemed calmly interested.

"Okay, I think I understand most of that. The idea of monogamy – or serial monogamy – is familiar; I have seen it in bird species back home. Seems to me that the major differences are the refractory period, the dimensions and the taste. You said it can be unpleasant?"

"Well that is a matter of . . . well, taste. Some don't like it."

"And the dimensions are a bit unclear. But using the metric system, it's circa 13-15 cm long with a standard deviation of 4?"

"That's right." McCoy was glad that she got that part. He was also glad that she focused on the numbers rather than the actual act. Once he had finished the rehearsed lecture, he felt less comfortable again. Besides, he was getting very sweaty. "I don't remember your planet being this humid?"

"Seasonal variation. When can I sample it?"

"What?" He was genuinely surprised.

"Well, I understood that it's a private matter and I'll have to adapt to that, but when would be convenient for you?"

"No, damnit! It wouldn't be convenient at any time! I'm not gonna . . . take it out and  . . . I'm just not going to, and that's final."

"Oh! I'm sorry, I didn't mean to suggest anything you don't like. No problem, I can ask someone else."

"NO NO NO! That's even worse!" McCoy stood up and made sweeping gestures with his hands. "You can't go around asking random crewmembers if you can lick their dick! Out of the question!" _But she's going to do it. Once she longs to sample something she can be extremely persistent. Just look at how she keeps trying to reach Spock._ "You just can't, promise me you won't."

Lily-Lee didn't make any promise, she just sat on the bed with crossed legs and a mischievous grin. She had noticed his reaction and knew she could use it for bartering. Resistance was futile.

"Fine, I'll do it. I'll let you sample." _I can't believe I said that. How did I get myself into this? This is not why I came here._ With a strange feeling of vertigo, as if he was about to jump off a cliff, McCoy unbuckled his belt.

"Hey now, don't faint! Sit down on my bed. Or even better, lay down on the pillow. There, feeling better? Was it the heat after all? Here, I'll turn it down a bit." A gush of fresh air entered the small room. McCoy was stretched out on the bed with his hands covering his face. Lily-Lee was on her knees down between his booted feet.

She reached for his zipper and pulled it down, and then she tugged at his trouser legs to get him naked where it mattered the most.

"Such long hair . . . and how soft it is." She leaned forward, put her nose in his navel and took a deep breath with all nostrils. Her hands were stroking his sides, and he could feel her nipples brush against his thighs. Nipples?

"Hey, wait a minute! When did you take off your dress?" He had kept his eyes closed under his palms. She was very clearly naked now. _What am I doing? I should go now, right away. Let her get a lick on the skin and then GO!_

Lily-Lee was softly sniffing in his pubic hair, making content humming sounds. Her head went down, and further down, to his balls. A slight touch with the tip of her tongue made them jump. _Okay, that's it. She had a taste, now get up and gOOOOOOOHH OH GOD._ She had his balls in her mouth and was moving her tongue around and around. His head was spinning as all his blood rushed elsewhere.

"That has got to be outside standard deviation."

"What? I don't . . . wahat?"

"That." She was indicating his erection. "Must be at least nineteen centimetres, that is outside standard deviation."

"Well, hrm, I'm a tall man, so it's only natural." _Yes please, please, let's talk numbers and calm down. I can still salvage the situation. Let's talk numbers and then stop._

"Since you asked earlier, I'd estimate that is at least twice the length compared to what I'm used to. We don't use rulers or anything, but I can count fingerbreadths if I put my hands around it. See, here is one, two, three, and four." McCoy gasped. _Oh, don't squeeze so tight, that's too good._ "Five, six, seven, eight, and I'll have to use my first hand again for nine, ten, eleven, twelve and there is still room for more. What is that drop?"

"That's . . . preseminal fluid. From the bulbourethral glands." McCoy's voice was coarse. _Oh god, I know what's next. Why am I not already leaving?_ Within himself, he could hear his own voice chiding him. _Because this is what you wanted! Deep down this is just what you longed for. Stop trying to fool yourself that you came here with honourable intentions and accept that you have filthy desires. Is this what you like, huh? Look at those monkey canines! Look!_ He sat up and looked down at Lily-Lee's face. The canines were indeed showing, because her smile was wide, her lips parted, and her eyes shining.

She wanted that drop and she put her whole mouth around his penis to get it. McCoy groaned and fell back on the pillow. Lily-Lee was flattening her tongue against the hole and made large circles around and around. She had both hands grasping the shaft tight and allowed her saliva to dribble down and lubricate them. When she felt her grip getting wet enough she started to move her hands up and down, up and down. McCoy was groaning more but managed to make a sentence.

"Is the door locked?"

"I don't know, probably not."

"Oh, for Pete's sake. LOCK DOOR; MEDICAL OVERRIDE ONLY!" _I can't believe this is happening. Oh god, that feels so good. Her lips are so strong, her tongue is so soft and  . . . Jesus, she's got the balls again. And now the head. Such small hands, but a very strong grip. Ohh boy, pressure is starting to build up. Up. Up and down, up and down. God, I'm going to come. She's getting her sample all right._

"Lily-Lee, look out, I'm about to . . . oh yes . . . OH YES NOW!" He came with a violent tremble up his spine that left him feeling light-headed.

–***–


	11. All Work and No Play

–***–

Spock had asked Lily-Lee to join him in the laboratory. He had a small sample of an isolated bacterial strain that could be a pathogen of unknown properties.

"We have very little information available yet, apart from the following: this bacteria is gram-negative, elongate, comma-shaped, a facultative anaerobic and possible to cultivate on standard agar medium. We also have the full plasmid gene sequence coming up shortly."

"Sure smells like cholera." Lily-Lee was sitting on the edge of the bench with dangling legs. Some machine nearby indicated a finished process with a 'ding'. The DNA sequencer had aligned the sampled genome to GenBank sequences and come up with a result.

"Cholera."

"You were just testing me, weren't you?"

"That is correct."

"So what are we really analysing? Unless you want to test me some more first, because that's okay. I'm just a rookie here." Lily-Lee licked the tip of her index finger and surreptitiously tried to touch Spock's wrist with it. He pulled away his hand and almost knocked over the cholera sample.

"I find it necessary to repeat my request that you stop doing that. If you do not stop I shall have to make it a direct order." Spock's face looked as if it had been carved from ice.

"Sorry. It's just really hard, you know."

"Try harder. This is the actual sample. It is a marine organism, member of the [Pyrrophyta](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dinoflagellate). I have already sequenced it and confirmed that it is an unknown species. Would you perform a full chemical analysis, please?" Spock gave her a small vial, and she opened it. She closed her eyes and pulled in some air. She swirled the liquid and smelled it again. She took a tiny drop on her tongue and looked lost in thought.

"Get some of it fragmented for me, will you Spock? They have tough shells, those little things." Spock took the vial from her and took a few drops to a tabletop sonic disintegrator. After a few short buzzes she got a new vial back.

"Yummy, plankton shake. Let's see now." She took a diminutive swig and sat still. "Okay, I'm done."

"Good, tell me the results and I'll write them down."

"What do you want, exactly?"

"All of it." Spock had pulled up an empty page on the computer and was sitting down to type. Lily-Lee started listing everything, starting with the water and sodium chloride.

"The pigments are chlorophylls a and c2, beta-carotene, and a bunch of xanthophylls: peridinin, dinoxanthin, and diadinoxanthin. There are break-down components from degrading pigments; phaeophytin- _a_ , magnesium porphyrin, and smaller phyllins. The walls are composed of . . ." She went on and on and on. After a few minutes she became silent.

"Are you finished?" Spock asked.

"No, I have more, but I think you are doing this all wrong. This list contains everything whether it's important or not."

"A good record needs to be complete."

"Yes, but, look here, you've read a book?"

"I have read books, yes."

"A good book, a book that made a difference in your life. Something with meaning."

"My home planet Vulcan provided me with such books during my youth."

"Now, imagine that someone asked you to describe one. And the description they wanted was that you make a list of every single word that was used in them, complete with how many times each word was used. Would that be a good description? Useful?"

Spock was silent. Lily-Lee joined in with a bit of silence herself. Not that she had anything against giving Spock the list, it was just . . . well . . . not logical. Not to her, at least. He stood up and walked up to the lab bench. There was a box of cotton rounds next to the rubber gloves. He took a cotton round and doused it with some deionised water. With the cotton round in one hand, he rolled up the sleeve to his elbow and then made a slow stroke along his arm from the elbow to the wrist. He handed her the cotton round and she took it in her mouth like a communion wafer.

"I'll leave it to you to come up with a succinct and useful description. I'm sure you'll do a good job." Spock left. Lily-Lee closed her eyes and concentrated her whole mind in her mouth. She kept the cotton round in until she was finished writing down her analysis on why this plankton species might cause toxic red tides. She did the long list, too, right down to the trace elements.

–***–

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THE END.
> 
> Or rather, to be continued in another story. But the end for this bit.


End file.
